He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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