I swear she didn't look like that last week.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
