I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
