so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
