I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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