I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
