the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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