I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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