I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
