Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
