It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
