How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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