Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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