u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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