It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it glows. i had to have it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
