I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
