was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
