she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize