Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize