we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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