How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
