...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
