It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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