I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
