I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dicks are not precious.
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