I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
