I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
