yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
