Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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