I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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