Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia