How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"