Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
