Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased