She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
