And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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