people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
