You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
