sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
