I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
did you just send me my own nude
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
