Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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