Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
