dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
worst night to have a conscience
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
