i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Randomize
