I'm gonna have a badass scar
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
