WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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