her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
