Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
