Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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