The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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