He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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