When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
