for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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