It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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