just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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