New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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