He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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