I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
