one two three fourrrrnication!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
pop tarts are not kleenex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
