There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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