you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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