I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
