It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
