dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
