dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
