When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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