All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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