i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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