I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I woke up under a house in Key West
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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