my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
