I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
