Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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