Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
