he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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