i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
