when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
