dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
