Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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