at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
