sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
