I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
