My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
