i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
