Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
