nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
